I received a letter from Father Christmas

Father Christmas’ van

Below is a piece of writing I wrote to try to help me with my own brain. If you read it, I hope you like it.

All the best,

Rob

One Christmas morning I woke up to find I had received a letter from Father Christmas.

It read:

Dear Rob, I hope you have enjoyed the presents I have given you over the years. I have certainly got great pleasure from reading your lists. This year I thought I could give you my Christmas list. I realise you are busy and may not be able to meet all my requirements but I would really appreciate it if you could find the time to give it a go. I know you’ve got no way of checking, but I think I’ve been a good man this year. I have been a loving husband and have kept the reindeer in good health. Rudolph recently became a father, his son was not born with a red nose though so there is controversy surrounding the question of who the father is. Please find my Christmas list enclosed.

When I read that I thought, ‘How dare Father Christmas send me his Christmas list? I don’t know who is Father Christmas to Father Christmas but it is definitely not me.’ It then occurred to me that if Father Christmas has sent me his Christmas list, it could mean that Father Christmas believes in me. If someone believes in me I don’t want to give them a reason not to. I took the list and began to read it.

        Father Christmas’ Christmas List

Rob there is just one gift I would like from you this year. As a gift to me I would like you to attempt to become as comfortable within yourself when you are awake as you are when you are asleep. Why have you become quieter and more withdrawn in social situations? Please don’t disappear into yourself completely. It’s acceptable to shut yourself off from the world when you’re asleep but not when you are awake. Stop overthinking every single thought you have. Anxiety is not the capital of you. Take note of the words you wrote down that the cricket commentator said, ‘Try your best, but don’t take yourself too seriously.’

My elves have been watching you talk to yourself in your kitchen when you are on your own; they tell me what you say and I don’t believe what you think of yourself is true. They told me that recently you said you prefer being asleep to being awake, that you feel like you fit in when you are asleep. Sleep is the cement that sticks your days together. Over time your days build up. From them create something you can be proud of. Yourself. When you fall asleep and do something in your dreams it doesn’t stay. You can’t work on any relationships in your sleep. There is no progress. You’ve got a recurring life that is in your hands when you wake up. A recurring dad you can phone up. You are awake. Act like you are out of bed. Do something to make yourself tired while you still can. Grip your waking hours by the scruff of the minutes. Lie down on a night knowing you have earned your horizontal time. Go to sleep looking forward to the absolute untameable mission that is tomorrow. It is challenging being awake but worms do it; it can’t be that hard.

When did sleep become your happy place? You used to drive; now it’s as if you are falling asleep at the wheel of your own life. Work to be brave, make your sleeping life the shadow of your waking life. The dream version of you will look on in envy watching you fight in the ring of reality you are attempting to carve out for yourself, because the other reality, that hashtag pray for reality, isn’t quite cutting it. Sleep is the cocoon and I want you to wake up in the morning and break out of that sleep shell head first. Fly at the day fuelled by your favourite cocktail, self-doubt and determination. Walk. Pace. Run. Walk. Pace. Run. Get into them, get broken and heal. The gulf between the awake and the asleep versions of you must widen.

I want you to do this for me as you’ve seemed so disconnected from everything and everyone of late. Being awake is other people; those you know and those you do not. If what some of them are doing makes you prefer the sleep side of your life, they have won. Do not allow them to win. Don’t detach yourself from what you love. Plug yourself into the mains of what you have been born into and switch yourself on while you still have the chance. This is not a present for me, Rob, it is a present for you.

All the best,

Your friend and constant observer

Father Christmas.